Sunday, May 24, 2026

Obex

 Conor (Albert Birney, who also writes and directs) lives as a shut-in in a small Baltimore house with his dog Sandy (Dorothy), where he runs a small mail-order business: People (kids, mostly) send him pictures along with five dollars, and he sends them back a portrait rendered in the futuristic medium of ASCII on a dot-matrix printout.

 Can you think of a more 1987 job than that? Connor even runs an ad in Personal Computing magazine, and the issue it's on gets flipped through lovingly on-camera. Birney, who made this film with a tiny handful of collaborators and a diminutive budget, was five in the year Obex is set, but does a good job of capturing the feel of being into computers in that decade (some petty technical quibbles aside). I should probably note that he co-directed the very enjoyable Strawberry Mansion; This one's got a similar sense of warmth, wry humour, and weirdo sensibilities. The humour, slow pacing and nostalgia-driven setting also reminded me of Andrew Bujalski's Computer Chess.


 It's a slow, slow film, easing us into the particulars of Conor's life before weird shit starts to happen. Our protagonist is good company, and Sandy is a very, very good girl, but be warned you'll be treated to a midi-assisted, strangely sedate karaoke rendition of Gary Numan's Cars, and a prolonged taping of Nightmare on Elm Street before anything really happens. Eventually the plot does kick off: Obex, a dodgy computer game Conor signs up for on a whim, ends up summoning a demon into his house (a wonderfully creepy, well realized scene); The demon, Ixaroth, kidnaps Sandy and takes her back into its evil castle, forcing Conor to put on a Legend of Zelda cap and venture out past the cicada-infested wilderness out back and into the computer game, running into a couple of friendly NPCs and some hilariously naff insect-headed, army-jacketed goons.

 While Conor's quest never quite gels as high adventure (not with this budget), it does manage to make its otherworldly jaunt adventurous, at least: Skeletons are slain (again), an ubiquitous storekeep (Callie Hernandez) lends help and exposition, and perilous locations are traversed via the medium of overlaid maps. Birney and his cinematographer (and co-star) Pete Ohs have a gift for dream-like imagery; Their black & white digital photography gives the film an effective, uncanny atmosphere and an enveloping sense of darkness, even when it's inevitably punctured with a goofy joke or two.

 Obex is a slight - very slight - dark fantasy, one that balances its fundamental sweetness (remember, this is the tale of an overtly shy guy that risks everything for his dog) and gentle sense of humour with some surprisingly dark moments and a fairly effective sense of dread. It's cheap-looking to a fault and takes its sweet time to get anywhere, but if you have the patience and the temperament for this sort of thing, it does so in a very likeable way.

Friday, May 15, 2026

Faces of Death (2026)

 I don't often bail out of movies mid-way, but there's a scene towards the back half of Faces of Death where I realized life's just too short for this shit.

Margot (Barbie Ferreira) works as a content moderator at a tiktok-like mindrot farm, where she notices a series of weird videos that look like snuff films. Worried that they might be the work of a serial killer, she starts investigating... only to come into the sphere of their creator (Dacre Montgomery)

The script on this thing (by director Daniel Goldhaber plus Isa Mazzei) is, to put it bluntly, a complete fucking disaster. The premise - that a serial killer is remaking scenes from the infamous 1978 film of the same name - is kind of clever, even if the particulars are pretty dumb, and the first half of the movie is decent; There are some missteps (the scene where the script cack-handedly has the protagonist enunciate both its themes and her motivations got a huge eye roll), but it's pretty compelling overall, mostly thanks to some strong work from the principals. Then at around the hour mark the plot really kicks in, and there's a cavalcade of stupid decisions, plot holes, contrived situations... This movie is back-loaded with dumb shit.

I dunno; Maybe it all comes together at the end and I'll never know - I'm sure as hell not giving it the benefit of doubt. I don't think these people could come up with anything that could make up for one of the worst instances of unrealistic police ineptitude I've seen in a movie in a while, coming right after a series of stupid decisions which had me actively rooting for the main character's death. It's been a long time since a movie annoyed me this much. I mean - Ick was bad enough to make me come here to vent right after watching it, but I did get to the end of that one.

It's a shame, because the actors do a good job and some of the filmmaking and editing is strong... but the writing and plotting fails, and badly. Fuck this noise.