The Lair

 The Lair is an agreeable mediocrity by genre craftsman Neil Marshall. A low budget sort-of retread of Dog Soldiers, the movie that put him on the map, but nowhere near as good or fun.

 The movie tells the story of a British RAF pilot Kate Sinclair (Charlotte Kirk, who also co-writes and produces,) who gets stranded in a hostile corner of the Afghanistan wilderness after her plane is shot down. Chased by insurgents, she lucks her way into an old Russian bunker. Deep within, she finds Resident-Evil-style secret lab, complete with glowing green vats with very Resident-Evil-style humanoid monsters within them. As the insurgents hunt Sinclair down, their shooting frees the monsters, which start laying bloody waste to everyone.

 Sinclair and a lone insurgent survive and manage to escape. Soon after, they're picked up by an American patrol and taken to a tiny base on a nearby ridge. That night, the monsters come out from their lair and lay siege upon the base. Things get a little predictable from there, though the script provides some decently ridiculous surprises for later... including the true cause for the Russian invasion of Afghanistan.

 It's a fun, unpretentious setup for a B-movie, and Marshall brings his usual energy to the proceeds. The problem is that the script shoots for campy but non-jokey over-the-top badassery... which is admirable as a goal, but devoid as the dialog is of any wit, all we get is a load of poorly written, testosterone-filled bluster, delivering tired old clichés with overblown accents. This sort of thing can be great if done well, and The Lair does deliver some good fun eye-rolling moments ('Sorry for the inconvenience,' a British pilot gurgles as he dies,) but a lot more memorable lines were needed for it to work as intended. As it is... it's very visibly trying way too hard.

Yes, it's got a slow motion strut scene.

 Most of the actors are clearly on-board with the silliness, but it's hard to do anything worthwhile with these characters as written. Standouts include Jonathan Howard playing what could best be described as a Frank Grillo role, and a Major (Jamie Bamber) that doesn't just look like a Thunderbirds character, he's almost as wooden as one. By design, it seems.

 As usual for a Marshall film, things get pretty gory: In a fun and characteristically ridiculous scene, someone's face is cleanly ripped off with a single swipe, and someone's jaw is graphically torn out. The monsters themselves don't do as well, as the actors in the bulky suits can't really sell the grace they are supposed to have. And the cheap digital effects are pretty bad, including the worst digital blood I've seen in a non-amateur movie.

 The action is not great, but as it's focused more on suspense and immediacy, and made with evident budget constraints, it's forgivable. As mentioned before, the movie has its tongue firmly lodged on its cheek, but there are no overt jokes, which is the best tone for this sort of thing and went a long way to make me overlook its many faults.
 The end credits give up the pretense, showing old-school short scenes of the characters as they list them, which is cute but also underlines just how much this looks like a cheesy tv movie, despite all the gore. Can't say that I liked it, really, but it's also hard to hate.

Her actual mum, too; that's adorable.