Baby Assassins

 Baby assassins is about two assassins that act like big babies, not assassins that go about assassinating babies - If that's what you're after, you'd be better off hiring The Killer instead. You monster.

 The two titular assassins are Mahiro (Saori Izawa) and Chisato (Akari Takaishi) - two girls just out of high school under the employ of one of those shady assassin agencies we keep hearing about. To keep their cover after graduation, the agency suggests they both get an apartment together, and get a part-time job as a cover (as their handler explains, the agency is more scared of tax men than law enforcement). Very low-key hijinx ensue.

 The movie is bookended by two excellent fights, but spends most of its time indulging in low energy slice-of-life comedy that honestly feels too slight to even qualify as a sitcom - it's more like filler updates on a web comic.

 There's a plot of sorts where the girls inadvertently start a fight with the Yakuza, but it's an afterthought; just the bare bones to give a little structure to the proceeds and provide a big brawl at the end. More is made of the assassin's attempts to get a job, or the very polite, very mannered squabbles resulting from their convivence. For, you see, Chisato is bubbly, outgoing, and quirky (in a very specifically Japanese way that I find pretty fucking annoying), and Mahiro is an antisocial wallflower who can't be arsed with anything that doesn't involve killing (and she even moans about that). Both are complete sociopaths too, which makes their matter-of-fact handling of their assassin duties a pretty funny running gag. Especially when the actress playing Mahiro also happens to be an accomplished stuntwoman, and she can move; The movie really comes to life whenever she gets the chance to flex her muscles.

 Baby Assassins is a pretty anime-damaged film - both girls are pretty trope-filled characters, as is the type of stuff they get up to. Still, there's a lot to like here - they have a lot of chemistry together, as proven by the dialog where they start making fun of the type of unsolicited wisdom a certain type of man might spout. The film frames their job as distinctly un-glamorous and not very well paid, which is a relatively novel take, and there are some pretty solid jokes sprinkled here and there.

 Unfortunately the film spins its wheels for far too long and delves into Japanese cultural aspects that set my teeth on edge (namely, an extended plot point that involves a stint in an extremely childish maid café.) It frequently splits the line between cute and cutesy, amusing and annoying... and the proportions are not always flattering to director Yugo Sakamoto's very loose script.

 Ultimately, though, I think it's successful, just about. The fights, though definitely not the focus of the movie, are a big part of that: they're quick, brutal, and feel hard-won. Izawa is a terrific, scrappy performer who athletically weaves in and out of holds - her fight against the heavy (Masanori Mimoto) easily makes the movie worth a watch; The action director is Kensuke Sonomura, who directed Bad City, so that tracks. There's a lot of blood, all of it digital and distractingly bad, but the rolling around is so good it's easily forgiven.

 More importantly, despite all the stuff that grated and the cultural differences, both actresses are pretty good and their characters ultimately come off as at least somewhat charming (one much, much more than the other; Sorry, Chisato).

 I mean, it's a movie where both assassins ride a single bike on their way to the climactic battle - and once there, they fret about whether it's ok to leave it out in the street. Weebs will lap this stuff up, but there's just about enough here for the rest of us too.