Shoot 'Em Up

 It's hard to argue against the greatness of Shoot 'Em Up's first five five minutes. It starts with a very close shot of our protagonist Smith (Clive Owen), his face filling most of the foreground as he eats a carrot. Violently. Chewing with a sort of rageful gusto, angrily masticating the fuck out of it.

 Then he sees a very pregnant woman stumble along, passing in front of the bus stop he's sitting at, turning into an alley way. Nearby a thug gets off his car - trash and takeout cartons tumbling out in the process - and follows the woman into the alleyway. As he goes in, he pulls out a gun and gives Smith a nasty look, as if daring him to do something about it.

 And because this is Clive Owen starring in a very silly-ass movie, he of course does do something about it. He kills the thug with a (surprisingly sharp) carrot, while delivering an Arnold-worthy one-liner ("eat your vegetables"). Then, as Nirvana's Breed kicks in, he gets into a shootout with a horde of faceless goons; There are  a few memorable action gimmicks like using an oilspill to slide on his back while shooting, or shooting the legs of a table to turn it into a ramp so he can dive through a window to outmaneuver and shoot a few surprised ne'er-do-wells.

 All the excitement ends up sending the nameless woman (Ramona Pringle) into labour, so then we're treated to a scene where Clive Owen delivers a baby while shooting a bunch more bad guys. The kicker? He cuts off the umbilical cord by shooting it.

 I cannot stress how fun it is. In game design people talk about the 'verbs' that any given game allows its players; Things like Jump, Run, or sometimes more abstract concepts like Explore, Tinker or Subject Yourself to Reams of Poorly Written Dialogue (AKA the 'talk' button).

 This film takes its title from an ancient (in gaming terms) genre where you, as a spaceship, kill loads of other spaceships - you know, like Galaxian. But its form is, as you might have fathomed by how many times I've written the word Shoot so far, well... a shooter. And it's kind of awe-inspiring just how pure the result is. Shoot shoot shoot, like a player mashing on the triggers on his gamepad, and the film gets a hilarious amount of mileage from it. Or else the film puts obstacles before the act of shooting, like small puzzles that get in the way of Smith getting to use his favourite mean of self-expression. The reward? Why, more shooting!

 Somewhat surprisingly, videogames are not the main inspiration for the movie, at least according to writer/director Michael Davis; That becomes apparent when the mother dies, soon after that initial scene, leaving our laconic, supremely killing-proficient protagonist to look after a baby that's being hunted down by what seems like hundreds of hitmen.

 Yes, the main inspiration here is explicitly John Woo's masterpiece Hard boiled. And that's a great inspiration! but therein lies the main problem with the movie... because Michael Davis has a long way to go to get to John Woo levels. He covers some of the distance by filling the film's many, many action scenes with a ton of fun ideas... which he then mangles by keeping the camera too close to the action, cutting far too many times, not establishing geography properly, and generally just not getting what makes Woo's classic... well, a classic. It's a huge shame.

 But it's not nearly bad enough to sink the movie - things never get to Crank's hard-to-parse levels, and it's relatively good for '00s action standards. Just a wasted opportunity, is all. This is not a movie that, like Smokin' Aces, uses action sparingly and focuses on specific moments or beats - here there's an attempt to carry you through every step of a whole gunfight, but it still ends up fragmented and disconnected. Clarity matters, especially when you're inviting comparisons with some of the all-time-best action filmmaking.

 Plot-wise... it's relentlessly, knowingly silly and over-the-top, with overt references to old Looney Tunes cartoons, preposterous plot developments and some really fun lines. The script devotes a lot of energy to finding more and more outrageous ways and places for Smith to shoot buttloads of people, which is just as it should be; A great time.

 The stacked cast really, really helps. Monica Bellucci plays a lactating prostitute with a heart of gold; She doesn't get a lot to do other than to be a love interest, but at least we get a very funny Paul Giamatti playing against type as a deranged hitman - a great character and performance. Clive Owen is perfect as the grumbling, antisocial Smith, and though some of his lines are a little overcooked, that's on the script, not him.

 The film has a great eye for character actors with memorable faces or voices, too, featuring the likes of Julian Richings and the great Stephen McHattie.

 Unfortunately its look hasn't aged very well - it shares a desaturated palette with other 00's films, giving the film an aggressively artificial look and not much else. Unlike (again) Smokin' Aces, it never develops it into an aesthetic. The CGI effects don't look great either, but it lets the film get away with some inspired lunacy on a tight budget, so I'm happy to let that slide.

 More seriously, there's also a whiff of misogyny to the proceeds. Even if you ignore Giamatti's sexual menace (that is not a phrase I ever thought I'd write), which is intentional, some of the jokes, added to the callous treatment given to most of the film's female characters (all beautiful, al either victims or whores) come off as a bit mean-spirited. I don't think it ever goes overboard, but it's noticeable. Definitely a lad's film all the way through.

 Still - some iffy content and action problems aside, it's an excellent action comedy. Despite becoming a bit of a cult movie, it was a bit of a commercial failure; Sadly, Davis hasn't been able to release any other films since then.