Dark Match

 I've never really been interested in wrestling at all, even though I spent a couple of formative years in the States during Hulkmania. I've seen movies about these small upstart wrestling companies like the one at the heart of Dark Match before, but I have no idea what they're all about - some kind of travelling show, maybe? I don't know any of the lingo and I'm not really predisposed to buy into its manufactured drama. Would I have enjoyed the movie more if I knew anything about its world, or had any nostalgia for it? Probably not; This is one rickety B-movie.

 The small wrestling company in question is SAW, and they feature a varied roster of heels (villains - hey, I knew this bit of lingo!) and faces (good guys) who fight in dingy warehouses to the delight of even dingier crowds. One good day their manager (Jonathan Cherry) gets hired to give a performance at a remote rural compound full of trashy rock'n'roll loving deviants. After some ominous partying, they are roped into a tournament where the crew are forced to compete against each other in gimmicky, elemental-coded fights... to the death. All for the benefit of a mysterious 'leader' (Chris Jericho) who looks like a bargain-bin Mickey Rourke character and doesn't even pretend not to be some sort of diabolic cult leader.

 Writer/director Lowell Dean seems to be perfectly happy making kind of likeable, haphazard horror filler; This is the type of film that informs you that it's set in the eighties by having a character awkwardly say "hey, it's 1988!". You know, in case it wasn't clear from the brightly coloured jackets, the walkmen, the music, the lurid lighting schemes, or the frequent stretches where the film goes through a degraded VHS-like filter. Plus, it's very poorly shot and completely lacks any sense of style- it just looks cheap; If for some reason you have any problem with Joe Begos's filmography, this one should at least give you some appreciation for his craft.

 Dark Match also takes a little too long to get to the fun parts - the titular dark matches; It barely hangs together as a coherent story and is full of the type of dialog that good actors would struggle with. Not that the acting here is, well, good: The protagonist (Ayisha Issa) has a good, glowering screen presence, and her rival (Sara Canning) also acquits herself well - but everyone else... well, at least they look like they're having fun.
 Everyone except pro wrestler Chris Jericho (who also produces), who seems invested enough to take his ridiculous character completely seriously and tries to give us a convincing, scary villain. It really, really doesn't work.

 Lowell's piss-poor script can't even begin to support a number of unlikely plots that include romances and rivalries within the crew, a very inconsistent conspiracy, and the possibility that the whole tournament is some sort of satanic ritual. Its ninety-odd minutes go by quickly, though, thanks to a relatively quick pace, absolute lack of pretension, and an agreeable amount of decent, completely practical gore effects. Don't ask anything else out of it, roll with its dumbness, and you should be OK.