War of the Wizards

 War of the Wizards, renamed as The Phoenix when released in the outside of Asia a few years later to cash in on Clash of the Titans' success, is a budget 1978 Taiwanese fantasy epic that's hobbled by a deeply unlikable little shit of a main character and some really turgid plotting. Stick with it, though, for a bunch of extremely charming old-school practical and visual effects, and a scene that might be the single funniest bit of intentional comedy I've run across in any of these films.

 Two things happen when hapless fisherman Tai (Hsiu-Shen-Liang) finds a magical bowl that allows him to create anything he wishes. The first is that he uses it to become rich (and in so doing, an absolute asshole). The second is that a large number of threats, supernatural and not, come after him to get the relic.

 One of these threats - an interstellar (yes, literally) wizard called Flower Fox (Betty Pei Ti) eventually steals both the bowl and Tai's two brides (long story), prompting a more traditional, heroic second half where our complete waste of a protagonist skills up and overcomes a few obstacles to get what he thinks he deserves. It really is a movie of two halves, so let's have a look at them separately.

 The first half of the movie is, by far, the worst; There is absolutely no reason to root for Tai, who's venal, shallow, a complete idiot, and deeply unfunny - but for far too long the script insists on presenting him as a hero, and we get a lot of his inane antics here. He does eventually get a very mild comeuppance (the film is not that dumb, I guess), but it's absolutely a case of too little, too late. In the meanwhile we're forced to watch him behaving like an entitled little nouveau riche dick and have to suffer through his daft, uncomfortable attempts to woo not one but two beautiful ladies (Terry Hu and Chow Chi-Ming). They are, of course, in cahoots with the main villain to rob the relic, but they do develop feelings for our idiot of a protagonist. Sigh.

 As bad as this first act is, it does contain an unimpeachable bit of comedy: A long scene where Tai is accosted by a number of colourful, powerful assassins at a restaurant. I'm not about to spoil what's easily the best scene in the movie, but do know that it's perfectly executed and, on a conceptual level, ridiculously ahead of its time - a cheeky, slightly post-modern piss take of a scene that only gets funnier as it goes along. Gags in these films rarely get this elaborate.

 Tai remains insufferable for the film's more enjoyable back half, and the fact that he keeps failing upwards and getting more and more powerful with seemingly very little effort no sacrifice won't endear him to anyone. Bonus shitty points: he's very focused on recovering his magic bowl, but rarely devotes a thought to his two hijacked paramours.

 So it's not like the plot gets any better, but at least there's a lot of cool stuff going on. The idiot in charge learns to absorb sunlight and shoot lasers with his sword, and gets the freaking Phoenix as a mount (a very endearing, janky puppet that looks like a peacock but has the rough shape of a turkey). Meanwhile, Flower Fox flies, can breathe fire, summons a giant stone creature and has a huge henchman at her beck and call (Richard Kiel - Jaws off the Bond movies) and causes tidal waves, letting co-director Sadamasa Arikawa show off his chops with miniature cities and boats.

 While there's a lot of Kung Fu wizardry, the fights remain resolutely mediocre. This is not a martial arts film by any stretch of the word - the choreographies are closer to... oh, say a Bud Spencer and Terence Hill movie.

 The Kung Fu wizardry is pretty good though. It's all very low budget, of course, and I'm sure the soulless fucks at the internet would have a field day complaining about how shitty it all looks. And... yeah, some of it, especially the optical effects, do look pretty bad. But if you can allow yourself to enjoy this sort of thing at all (and you should, don't be like those other losers!) there's definitely a lot to like; Cheap it may be, but there's a lot of effort behind this, and the special effect techniques cover the full gamut except maybe stop-motion.

 I don't want to oversell it - this is definitely not a good movie, and the dipshit protagonist makes it an even tougher sale. But there's enough good stuff here to make it a pretty enjoyable watch.