Now this is a movie title.
According to martial arts movie critic Tony Rayns it was an attempt to cash in on Dirty Harry, but... come on. I'm sure some ex-Shaw Brothers employee is still bragging about coming up with it.
The title sequence for this is a good one. It's a set of three abstract fights for both of the protagonists (alone and later together) against a stark white background and an extremely seventies tune, where the action prefigures the events of the movie. Cool in concept as well as execution.
Yue Wong plays the titular Ho Jen, who's introduced partying with a bunch of courtesans at a flower boat. When he notices his favorites have gone missing, he gets the madam to go fetch them - the problem being that they're attending to a jewel merchant going by the name of Mr. Wang, who's played by none other than Gordon Liu.
They immediately start competing with each other, giving the girls more and more lavish gifts of jewelry and money so they'll stay with one or the other. Things end with a police crackdown, and Mr. Wang bandies around a royal seal to get the police to ignore the fact that Ho is a jewel thief, but he also steals all of Ho's jewels.
So begins a game of one upmanship between the two, one in which Ho is hopelessly outclassed. Mr. Wang's kung fu is so subtle - and Ho so dumb - that he doesn't even realize that Wang is fighting him, as he disguises attacks as accidents and happenstance. This climaxes with a ridiculous (and ridiculously awesome) fight where Mr. Wang dubs a courtesan his bodyguard, and uses her as a puppet to kick Ho's ass.
In that same fight, Ho gets wounded with a poisoned blade. Wang explains that he will provide the antidote in doses, as long as Ho agrees to be his student. Ho sullenly agrees.
This leads to a pretty cool visual storytelling device where the size of the medicine patch on Ho's forehead denotes the passage of time as the welt gets smaller.
It's implied that that Wang likes Ho and takes him on as a project, to refine him and make him his servant, but Ho is such a clod that it's hard to see why he's worth the bother.
In any case, this is where the actual plot of the movie kicks in. It turns out Mr. Wang is actually the eleventh son of the emperor, and has fled the Forbidden City to sample southern spirits and art. Seizing that opportunity, another one of the emperor's heirs has decided to do away with his brother. So he sends a number of assassins after Wang, baiting his traps with opportunities for wine tasting and to examine antiquities.
The next couple of sequences are really fun, as both the hosts/assassins and suave Mr. Wang keep a veneer of civility and forced smiles over their vicious fighting. Once again, Ho is oblivious to what's actually going on - the humor can get pretty broad, almost pantomime, but the idea is funny as hell, and the choreography is so fun and inventive it won me over. The last ambush gets a little too close for comfort, claws come out and the illusion is shattered. Ho rushes to his master's aid, but is too late and Mr. Wang is seriously wounded.
Incapable of facing the forces arrayed against them, Wang decides to train Ho properly, which leads to a couple of really awesome training sequences - and the parts I remembered the most clearly from the movie. To master his style, the Hidden Kick, Ho must keep his shoulders completely still; So Wang sets saucer candles on his shoulders, and whenever Ho fucks up scalding wax and burning wicks pour over him. Cruel, but very, very cool and creative.
From there it's a straight run to the climax - There's a couple fights on the way - a kind of homophobic fight against a band called the seven agonies, and on the plus side, a great fight set in a beautiful soundstage recreation of an abandoned town that looks right out of Labyrinth where they fight a deranged Mongolian torero and a bunch of archers.
The final fight is unfortunately the least interesting in the movie- a very drawn out melee that doesn't have any distinguishing features other than a hinged bo staff. It's still got some amazing stunts, though.
Dirty Ho was directed by HK legend Lau Kar-leung, and distinguishes itself from previous Shaw Brothers films by being a fairly light-hearted comedy; Not a single revenge plot in sight.
It's still a shaw brothers movie, and while the tone is more even, it's not going to win any converts - the usual issues with this sort of thing are out in the open: broad humor and even broader acting, ridiculous sound effects, fights that prioritize spectacle and athletics over any sort of realism, beard-stroking and moustache-twirling... all pluses in my book, but as always you have to be open to liking this sort of thing. If so, you're in luck: this is one of the best.
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