Satanic Hispanics

 A horror anthology tied together by very little more than an ethnicity, Satanic Hispanics brings together five Latin-American directors to tell some scary stories. The results vary wildly, but that, as we keep finding out again and again, comes with the territory.

 The first chapter - The Traveller, directed by Mike Mendez - introduces the framing device: the police raid a derelict house in El Paso to find dozens of dead bodies in what looks like a cartel killing. The lone survivor, known as The Traveler (Efren Ramirez) is taken into custody, where he's questioned by two detectives (Greg Grunberg and Sonya Eddy). As the movie progresses The Traveler admits that he's immortal, and being hunted down by death itself. And, in response to a question or something that jogs his memory, he tells the different stories that comprise the film.
 It really doesn't get much to do until the last chapter, and its dialog is severely overwritten - but Ramirez is pretty good, and it gets one really good visual gag in at the beginning.

 This fading year's horror MVP Demián Rugna helms the second segment, También lo Vi (I saw it too), and it's easily the best story in the film. No contest. It's about a Rubik's-cube-obsessed shut-in (Demián Salomón) who's unwittingly devised a way to open a door to the land of the dead, with foreseeably catastrophic results. Visually and conceptually it feels like it could fit in Rugna's Aterrados (itself a bit of an anthology film), but this one's got a lighter tone and more of an impish sense of fun. Plus one hell of an effective jump scare and some excellent effects and cinematography. Shame they couldn't think of a good ending for it.

 Eduardo Sánchez is up next, and he basically does a cute, goofy and kind of lame sitcom skit about a vampire (Hemky Madera) whose night is ruined when he discovers he got daylight savings time wrong. There's some hijinks with the police, passersby, and his long-suffering vampire girlfriend (Patricia Velasquez) as he tries to make it home before dawn - some good gags, but the humor is, in general, just way too broad, and doesn't compare at all well to (possible) inspirations What We Do In The Shadows or Woody Allen's 'Count Dracula'. It lands with a solid punchline, at least.

Then it's Gigi Saul Guerrero's turn, an interminable bit about a would-be CIA informant (Ari Gallegos) who pissed off a shape-shifting tribe's shaman (Gabriela Ruíz) and suffers the consequences. It's a weird shrug of a story that doesn't go anywhere. Maybe I just didn't get it; Have to say, though, that I found the Shaman's long-ass monologue to be gratingly pretentious bullshit.
 I took it to be a cautionary tale about pissing off ancient shapeshifting shamans. Turns out it's a bad idea: you'll end up making them tear off their cheeks.

 The last story is Alejandro Brugués's The Hammer of Zanzibar, another overtly comedic entry about a smartass (Jonah Ray!) who confronts a deadly curse that's set a deadly demon against him. It's buoyed by a likeable cast, some inventiveness and a lot of energy, but unfortunately the humor is... well, not as corny as in Sanchez's entry, but just as broad, and really, really juvenile. Not just in content but in form, as it kind of feels like a short some talented but slightly obnoxious film school kids would put together in their spare time. At least they clearly had a good time making it.

 Things finish up nicely as the wraparound ends with a confrontation between Death and The Traveler as the gaunt deity - a very cool practical effects creation - strides into the police precinct like some sort of supernatural terminator.

 Despite the unevenness and a terminal lack of cohesiveness, the film would be worth a watch just for Rugna's entry alone- but even if the rest don't add up to much, they're mostly entertaining.